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What Was In That Recipe?
February 22, 2002
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GREAT JUMPIN' JEEBUSES! I nearly forgot to write the rant! Jeez. Well, I don't know about you, but I've just managed to bullshit my way through a 5-page poetry essay, finish up my little changes on the paper I'm supposed to be presenting at a Shakespeare Colloquium at St. Olaf tomorrow (yeep! Can you all *believe* it?! Well, you shouldn't), and I'm on my way to tearing through the poetry I've got to read for Tuesday. HOT DAMN! Girl is on FIRE or something tonight... or something. Definitely toasty. Well, maybe lukewarm. Don't make me, like, *heat* your hands, or something. No, don't. I don't know where you've been.
Here's a fun fact. My spellchecker knows "Jeebuses," but not "toasty." Have I *really* said "JEEBUSES" more than "TOASTY"?! Good God.
But continuing. Yes, indeed, as I hinted at on Tuesday, today's comic] DOES involve cake - or rather, as they say in the academic circles, a "lack thereof." If you've ever done something this stupid (and *I* would say, FUNNY), raise your hands, then stick something to your face. Congratulations, you're all in the club. I'm just so proud of you! ::chokes with emotion:: No, that's not emotion, that's bile. Dammit, got to get out a dictionary one of these days, teach myself the dammed difference...
So, I told know if I told you or something, but right now, I'm full of two things (no, not THOSE, good God, wait for me to TELL you. Damn it all, I told you, STOP GUESSING!): noodles and jellybeans. I'm really not kidding about this. All day I've been so starving and desperate for something palatable (a rare commodity in the cafeteria at which I must eat - more on this subject later, I *promise*), I ended up eating a plate of fettuchine alfredo and chicken pad thai for BOTH lunch AND dinner - only in the latter I spiced it up with a little, uh...rice. I know, I'm asking for a one-way ticket to both Malnourishedville and Scurvytown, but I dare you to take the "Café Mac Challenge" and find what you consider to be a tasty, filling, and palatable meal at this place for FOUR MEALS in a row - and it always has to be different, and dammit, cereal does NOT count. You'd end up getting noodles all the time *too*, I'm telling you.
As for the jellybean part, somehow the God of Infinite Tasty Sweetness took pity on the poor dammed souls in the cafeteria, and, for absolutely NO REASON, placed a large receptacle of extremely tasty jellybeans (lovely Jelly Belly rip-offs) right by the entrance. Not that many people spied it on their own, and those who did were being very kind and considerate human beings, only taking about as much as they could fit into their two cupped hands. Me? Well, because I'm 1) an evil bastard and 2) a recovering jellybean addict, I grabbed a fucking cereal bowl full of the tasty bits of goodness and made out like the blond-haired bitch BANDIT that I am. Boo-yah. Seriously, tho, it's their own fault for putting that out when someone should have TOLD them that back when I had 100% disposable income and the metabolism of a hyperactive young squirrel I would routinely buy and CONSUME vast quantities of jellybeans in a matter of hours. It's like putting an open bar in an AA meeting, I tell you. Recipe for badness.
Do I even have to *mention* the fact that all my jellybeans are gone now? Yep, one paper = no more tasty num-nums. Oh well. It was for a greater good.
::yawn:: Damn, I gotz to hurry myself along into being still more productive tonight. Time to get moving... and you lucky people are already in Friday already. Man. Enjoy it, be well, and I'll be back on Tuesday. Hey, what can I say, it's what I'm good at.
Blue Leader out.
Annie "Blue" VM
Met the ghost of Stephen Foster at the Hotel Paradise
This is what I told him as I gazed into his eyes
- Squirrel Nut Zippers
"The Ghost of Stephen Foster"
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