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A Suspicious (Shirtless) Plan
May 10, 2002
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You can just call all this crazy strip business the "denouement" of our current storyline - I certainly got my share of responses regarding Tuesday's strip, eliciting just about the reaction I was planning on, whoohoo - because I wish to wait no longer before doing my Spiderman strip. So look for than on Tuesday. Sorry to give away the theme, but hey, think of it as the content being a surprise ::helpful smile:: I always try to do my best.
Ah, I knew the time would come eventually: Web Guy Josiah has gotten his dirty little hands on Jedi Knight II and is in the process of learning how to whoop its ass. Myself, I wish he'd waited until the summer, so we'd be taking it on at the same time (and I'd have a little more of a chance against him in any future multiplayer duels), but it was not to be. All the conversation at Macalester's much-lauded infamous Gamer Table seemed to tiptoe back to the subject of the game (hey, when one person gets a particular game up here, it's only a matter of time until it spreads to EVERYONE) and how completely and absolutely it rocks. I'm salivating to play it myself, especially after viewing this screenshot - courtesy of my friend Elias (a.k.a. "The Bearded Fury") - about what precisely you can do with a lightsaber:
For those of you who cannot see it, that is a guy, posed in a frightening resemblance to the Italian plumber of Nintendo fame, cut cleanly in *half*. They weren't lying when they said this game kicks a copious amount of ass. Here's your fricking visual proof, to back up that claim. And if I know the crowd up here at all, there's going to a scramble to both juggle finals and recreate this slicing-bad-guys-into-tiny-bits feat once they've finished this whole bidness. And summat.
Speaking of finals, I have but ONE LEFT - Saturday morning at 10:30, of all times - and then I is SO FINISHED with this semester, and my junior year in college will shuffle off this mortal coil and whatnot. I won't bore you with the details, but offer instead this funny anecdote. Trust me on this one.
Okay. So last week or so I open up the school paper to find the following ad:
Yep. That's supposed to be a brick with a note on it - the type *thrown through windows* - from GOD. Of all people. And now's the time I prematurely ask your forgiveness and understanding. Because I think of myself as a pretty spiritual person who respects religion (at least as much as Tatsuya Ishida of "Sinfest" fame), but this whole business left me - after I quit laughing - with a few questions.
First of all I'm a little curious about the ad's placement. Yay spirituality and everything, but Macalester is largely touted (much to the chagrin of the administration, who seem single-mindedly intent on climbing the "Ten Best Colleges" list in the U.S. News and World Report, and want to start appealing to more "conservative types") as a school that largely doesn't 'deal with God' - pretty nondenominational, non-churchgoing student body apparently largely apathetic when it comes to religion. And this ad is not for a church, but a *seminary* - so what the hell? Like placing an ad for rollerblades in the physical therapy section of a hospital. Sure, some people might be interested, but we'll just say it's not exactly going to elicit a big turnout.
Secondly. IT'S A FUCKING BRICK THROWN THROUGH A WINDOW. I'm sure one doesn't really want to have this kind of idea of God in our brains - yay, vandal deity. That's not Old Testament punishment or anything, it's just sort of half-assing it. Not that a rain or fire or turning people to pillars of salt would really send people flooding into a seminary, but I don't think the idea of spreading the word of a God who hucks bricks through people's windows will appeal to many. Maybe vandals though.
So with your permission I'd like to post this: "An Open Letter To God From the Guy Whose Window You Threw That Brick Through."
Dear God,
What the FUCK, God? You know I just fucking BOUGHT those storm windows? Oh, wait, of COURSE you do, you're fucking GOD. What the hell is up with you hucking that brick through my window anyway??
Is this about your Voltron tapes? I TOLD you already, my fucking VCR ate them, it's not my fault. If you'd made my boss give me that raise I was bugging you about then maybe I'd have the money to buy a less shitty VCR that WOULDN'T eat tapes. Now I can't even buy that new stereo for my Taurus because I've gotta replace my fucking window. Maybe you'll remember it - it's the one you just THREW A BRICK THROUGH?!
I don't know why the fuck you did that. I mean, you're a pretty cool guy normally, and then you gotta do shit like this. You just gotta be more laid back and shit like that: like your homie Buddha, or even that Jesus dude, he's a pretty cool guy (anyone who can turn water into booze is cool by me). But I fucking SAID I was sorry about those Voltron tapes. If you WANT, my cousin has the Cartoon Network and promised she'd tape me some Powerpuff Girls or some shit to make it up to you.
So no more dammed bricks through my windows, okay? Or our plans for that Smashmouth concert on Monday are SO off. I'll scalp those tickets, I mean it. I swear to... um... you. Yeah.
Later,
Some Dude
I hope you people won't stab me in the eyes for making a little religiously-themed joke. I mean, *I* think it was funny, but I know people don't often take them well, but... oh, bloody hell ::puts on bulletproof goggles to prevent any nasty eye-stabbings::
That's pretty much it for me: good luck on those finals for those who have them, be well everyone, and please don't set fire to my house.
Sacreilcious,
Annie "Blue" VM
Dear I fear we're facing a problem
- The Cardigans
"Lovefool"
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