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Day Of Teh Suck
February 20, 2004
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So... yeah. Honestly speaking, I woke up briefly yesterday morning at 5:17 AM, and thought of paragraphs of cool stuff to say for this rant, much of it involving the new James Bond game, Everything or Nothing (which is pretty good, by the way, and I especially like that it's now a 3rd-person perspective, instead of yet ANOTHER 1st-person shooter in a market saturated with them already). So of course by now - when I'm awake and home from work - I remember not a word of it. Well, that's not entirely true: but the parts I remember is all stuff I'd said before, and will say again. Namely, 1) Pierce Brosnan is cool and all, but he's getting a bit long in the tooth to be Bond, 2) I really hope the rumors are true that Clive Owen (the really spiffy-cool driver guy from the BMW Films shorts and stuff) is replacing him as Bond, 3) then again I don't really want Owen as Bond, just another spy because 4) I don't really like Bond.
Honestly, I don't. The idea of a flashy superspy worked better in the 1950s and 60s when British upperclass/gentry types could evidently get places that others couldn't, and thus could serve as excellent spies. But the Bond that could bang any woman on the map and went around practically giving autographs nowadays? PLEASE. Wouldn't you think that the moment he showed up at a shady casino and introduced himself, he'd get his head whacked clear down his neck by a large member of the security staff? Hell, even if it wasn't Bond, you know, why take chances? Seriously. I think this is evident in my assurance that of course Sean Connery was the best Bond, but I enjoy the Timothy Dalton movies a bit more because he doesn't screw every woman in sight, and is generally a better spy - more grim and hard-boiled, which is how I likes my spies, I guess. Give me a Solid Snake over a Bond any day of the week: it's no contest who would win. Hell, you could throw all of MI6 at Snake if you wanted, he'd - as the wisdom of Penny Arcade once said - "snap their necks and use their tiny bodies as human shields." This is what I believe. Nothing against the Brits, mind you: I LOVE you guys, and your Clive Owen. I know he has it in him to be one hell of a spy, and I can't want to see it. Just... keep him away from Bond, maybe? Hell, I'd even take him as Bond, because you have me addicted to him. Damn you, England, with all your hot talented actors! I'd shake my fist at you if I didn't love you so much. When Emma Thompson and Kenneth Branagh split up you broke my heart, but I can't stop caring about you, you wonderful little island. Keep making more Gary Oldmans and Tim Roths, please? And maybe if you, you know, keep in contact with France at all, could you order another Jean Reno? I really like him too.
I think I had a point in there somewhere, but I kind of lost it in my blathering. Short version. New Bond game good, Annie like 3rd-person perspective. Annie not like Bond so much, but much likes Solid Snake. Annie loves the British, even though sometimes their actors make her cry. She's put in another order for more talented English actors, with a French one on the side. And there you have it. Kisses and hugs to my peeps about the globe. You know who you are. Oh, and my Yankee spellchecker doesn't know the name "Clive," evidently, but don't worry, I fixed it. Bet it doesn't know names like "Nigel" or "Digby" either. Nope, not Digby. Fixed that too. Go me, making my spellchecker more worldly. Sort of. MOVING ON!
This may or may not disappoint you (depending on how much I believe you liked my comics regarding the game), but I've decided I'm done with Animal Crossing. I know, I know, it's shocking: the realization took me by surprise, too. It's just... the game is really a long-term thing, with items you can only get at a certain time of day, month, year, whatever. And that's cool! Only... if you don't talk to people for a few days, they get mad at you, and if you don't write them long, detailed letters every day, they're bound to move. Fuck, I'd get home from work at 5 and start playing, and the other residents of the town would bitch at me for "getting up so late" and "not doing any work." One day I just snapped, yelled "FUCK YOU, YOU ASSHOLE MOUSE! I'VE BEEN AT WORK FOR NINE FUCKING HOURS!" and pretty much turned off the GameCube. It's retarded to take it personally, I know, but I just don't have the ability to keep up with this game. I mean, I'm pleased with how my house looks - screw the Happy Room Academy, for giving it only 9000-something points - and getting more stuff for it seems like a hassle, not a pleasure. I HATE writing letters... my correspondence with the museum (who identifies fossils for you, and thus allows you to donate them to the nearby museum or sell them for the big bucks) always boils down to four dashed off words - "fossil what is it" - with no caps or punctuation. Why bother? The museum doesn't care. The other animals care TOO MUCH. God forbid you send them something they don't understand, they'll hate you for it. Bastards! They yell at me for seeing them more than I see my best friend in real life... gah, I can't take it. It's still a great game, but I know now... it's really not for me. I've gone as far as I can, and this is where I have to leave it. The trains won't run to Funkytwn and El Ciudad anymore. Martigra and Qill will have to live their little virtual lives on their own. It's kinda sad. But these things happen, you know. It's nerdy, like the little sigh that escapes one when the they realize the "Final" at the end of the game title R-Type Final is for real. Geek pathos. No more "shmups" (code for "shoot-em-ups," for the N00Bs out there) versus the Bydo empire, and no more pinkish virtual people who get furniture for doing their neighbors favors. Not a bang, but a whimper. That's how it goes.
Sorry - didn't mean for this rant to go the way of depressedness... don't want that to combine with the comikkery, have everyone thinking I'm going all angsty. Nope, not here: it was just all rainy yesterday, and work was largely "teh poopie," and when I got home I declared I'd change into lazy soft pants, make tea, and eat soup. And I did all three and felt better. TEH ENDDD!! ::grin:: And this spellchecker doesn't seem to understand the humor of spelling "the" as "teh" like a near-illiterate forum monkey might, which is cause for concern. Well, not really, but I fear that sometime in the far-flung future I will be making a joke that hinges on that word as being misspelled, and what might be hilarious is defused into banality because of an auto-correction feature I can't seem to turn off. Grrrr, DAMN YOU, Microsoft Word! ::shakes fist:: You're lucky I don't love you like I love the English! In fact, I don't love you at ALL! Nope! Hah! ...But I know you're kind of necessary to many things I do. So you're not allowed to leave. But yeah. [Readers should probably note that Annie drops the rant to me in Word document format, and I get to copy, paste, and edit it into proper format every night. So even when I don't post a rant, I've had my hands in Annie's. Oh, and the ellipsis that Word sticks into its documents piss me off. - web guy Josiah]
Work has been muchly hard last few days, but that has NOT PREVENTED ME from whipping out a sample of - ta-da-DAAAAA - apology art to beg forgiveness for Tuesday's comic being late. This is actually a main character - Viola is her name - from a really incredible novel that I'm working on with none other than my excellent friend Skrat, and I'm really impressed with how it's going. Hell, I'm astounded... but really with Skrat's part, being that he writes with the force of an ATOM BOMB, which is to say it's REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD. So yeah. Go, enjoy, and the stuffness. Yay.
Oh, and I know they don't need it (because they've been linked by fricking PENNY ARCADE and all!), but Elf Only Inn is particularly hilarious. The beginning - as I recall from reading it waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back in the day (when the now apparently-defunct Angst Technology linked it) - was a wee but slow and plain, but it just keeps getting exponentially BETTER and FUNNIER and yay. So read it. While you're at it, start readin' Dominic Deegan: Oracle For Hire because it is good. End of story. Am working my way through its archives as we speak and enjoying the goodness. So yay. Hee.
Well, that's it for me for now, folks: got to get the sleep for the workies tomorrow. Yarg. ::falls over:: GOD but I hope I don't work on Sunday... Annie is a tired panda and needs a break. Pbth. Be well.
Too Much For Your Psyche,
Annie "Blue" C
I walked on by
It was complicated
And it stuck in my mind
- They Might Be Giants
"She Thinks She's Edith Head"
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