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Crotch Wars Episode III: Revenge Of The Itch
August 27, 2004
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Today's strip is basically what I meant when I exhorted earlier for people not to stab me in the eye: remember, I'm not being serious, it's a COMIC STRIP for dog's sake, and it's all in good fun. Anyhow. To continue.
And now a bit of news that is so fucking stupid and makes me hideously pissed that I almost want to destroy my monitor and stab those responsible for it: Bloodrayne and other videogame women are posing in Playboy. I wish to God I were making this shit up, but nope, it's real. So far -
* Bloodrayne is posing topless.
* Milena (from Mortal Kombat), Kurenai (from Red Ninja), and Nina (from Tekken) will be posing all sexy-like, but won't be naked (and this makes it all better don't it? </sarcasm>)
* Tala (from Darkwatch: Curse of the West), Luba Licious (from the new Leisure Suit Larry game), and some chicks from The Singles are appearing totally nakee.
* oh yeah, and there's stuff in there about the upcoming Playboy Game (where "you can get Playmates to strip down to their birthday suit and pose for you") and the Guy Game (where actual real-life college co-eds flash their titties at you for answering trivia questions correctly)
Again I wish all this shit were make right the fuck up, because then I could just laugh at it, but no, it's all real. FUCKING SHIT.
See, in Japan they have hentai (think: cartoon porn) games, but that's different in many ways because there are at least SOME H-games that are for women, AND - this is the key point - the gaming industry there isn't thought (at least as far as I know) to be just for guys. In America... well suffice it to say, this whole shit does NOTHING AT ALL to dispel the very incorrect conception in the wider media that games are only for guys, and that hardcore "gamers" are sweaty fat guys who still live in their parents' basement. I would call the assertions of those companies involved that it's 'harmless' to be idiotic and reprehensible, but I think most of them are too stupid to care. A spokes woman from Majesco said: "BloodRayne is a very viable franchise now. It has definitely made the step up to a full-fledged video game franchise. The Playboy thing is nothing more than just another cool thing we can do with this franchise." And she should be stabbed for it. Way to forward the cause of women in videogames, BITCH! Playboy isn't "just a cool thing." It wouldn't have been targeted and been given the go-ahead if it had been. Being in a TV show or having your own cereal or music video or getting a cameo in a movie are "just cool things." Showing your character TOPLESS IN A STROKE MAG is just going to be a cool thing to guys who feel like wankin'. Not to anyone who isn't a guy, or who doesn't have a thing for titties. I know plenty of guys who like them the serious boobies but avoid Playboy like the plague because they think it's trash.
But yeah. This rant is certainly living up to its namesake, but seriously, this kind of crap gives me a migraine. And I would go on about it longer, but basically, you've probably all drawn your own conclusions on it already. That the companies involved just either didn't think that this move would irritate (or at the very least utterly ignore) female gamers or (far more likely) didn't even THINK about female gamers at ALL... it's hideously irritating to me, and the crown jewel in the reason why I hate the industry - faced up against the mountain of reasons why I love it - the ugly part of games that doesn't need to be there.
Guys, think of it this way: how would you react if you found out that Link was baring it all in Playgirl? That Dante from Devil May Cry and Sam Fisher from Splinter Cell and Viewtiful Joe and Solid Snake were full-frontal? Wouldn't you think that degraded the game it went with? Wouldn't you imagine that it was something like a stupid joke?
Maybe it's just me. Anyhow. Moving on.
You might have noticed that the last couple of strips have seemed a wee bit larger than other "I'm Blue" strips with a similar amount of panels. The reason for this is that I took a second look at the size of the finished strip versus my working version, and figured that most people set their screen resolution at 1024-by-768 (and that those with 800-by-600 resolutions could bring themselves to probably scroll sideways), and decided that it wouldn't hurt to make the strips a wee bit larger. So there you have it. If you care, my working versions are about 15% bigger, and all in .psd format, and no I will never make the posted strips as large as those because then the backgrounds don't look as cool. CRAP! Should have kept that a secret. Run away, run awaaaaaaaay!
Quick shout-outs to our friend James (Sammartano), who we hope is going to kick ass at the PAX Omegathon this weekend. We all send him our bestest of vibes! MAC GAMERS REPRESENT!
The Raging Angry Queen of Gamers,
Annie "Blue" C
I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite
So don't let me have any rights -
Oh... I've had it up to here
- No Doubt
"Just A Girl"
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