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For The Greater Good
February 25, 2005
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What up, bitches.
You may have noticed that I just referred to you all as "bitches." This is not to be aggressive or confrontational. It is merely to try something different. This is a test, this is only a test. If I had really been calling you "bitches," I would have put in amplifiers like bold, italics, caps, or exclamation points. Maybe even all four. You read my rants, you know how I roll. Or maybe you don't. Either way.
I should add that the list of people Blue wants to kill also include whoever the fuck is running the ads for Champions of Norrath: Return to Arms, because I have seen more tasteful ads for titty bars than the ones that they are running for their game. Jesus. It's ridiculous. There is a two-page ad in Game Informer that shows a chick in a gold bikini looking at a "suit of armor" and a bunch of weapons, and I put the phrase "suit of armor" in quotes like that because it is quite literally even skimpier than the bikini she is currently WEARING. And the caption is 'It Is Time To Return To The Glory Of Battle.' "Ooooo lookit us! We're all medieval, so we don't use conjunctions! No apostrophes for US, no SIR, because we are all MEDIVAL and shit! Also, BOOBIES!" Look, fucktards, if you ever want anyone aside from oversexed teenage boys who wank to your ads in their spare time to actually play your games, you're going to have to stop looking for inspiration in covers of sword-and-sorcery novels that would have been offensive and hackeneyed twenty-five years ago. Stupid assholes.
FUCK. I am eating Jelly Belly jellybeans as I write this, and I just bit into a buttered popcorn flavor. I remember when they came up with this one, something like twelve years ago. It seemed like a bad joke then and I imagined they'd discontinue it eventually, but it hasn't happened yet, which I cannot fathom. In every god dammed bag there are more of these hideous excuses for taste treats than any other of the 40 flavors, and I am sick to death of it. I haven't even MET anyone who likes that flavor. Somewhere out there I imagine there are a number of them, just fucking it up for the rest of us. To which I say, cut it the fuck OUT. I like my jellybeans without the taste of hideous evil, thanks. Or at least come here and take them out of my bag. You can have the licorice while you're at it, I don't much like those either. [I'll eat the licorice ones, but I understand why other people don't like them - web guy Josiah]
Anyhow. Now we move to DAS LINKENSPIELEN! ACHTUNG!
* Just go here and start to laugh. Because you will. And remember, THEY FIGHT CRIME! And some sound pretty awesome!
* Black box predicts future! True or false? Fact or fiction? Genuine or hoax? Either way, WTF? Check it out.
* If you think that both Post-Its and Super Mario Bros are the shiznit, then DAMN, you will LOVE this.
* Read UC. I have it permalinked on the right there, but I have to yell at you all again to read it because it is AWESOME, and occasionally I have to remind you of this. It is awesome, it's creators (Betsy and Jena) are awesome, it's all awesome. Go read.
* Also you must read The Hoojie Crew because it is also awesome, and so is Phil, the dude what makes it. A lot of awesome all around. GO READ.
Anyhow. That is it for this ninja tonight. Tune in next time for MORE rant! MORE cursing! And possibly MORE sleep depravation! OH NOS! Be good and see you later!
DRAMA!
Annie "Blue" Carlson
I don't have a soul
- Prozac Rat
"Tickling"
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