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Vessels of Death Don't Run Errands
October 18, 2005
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Okay. So I don't know if you're aware of it, but currently, there is some shit goin' DOWN.
Jack Thompson - hack lawyer, moron, and eternal enemy of all things gaming - declared not too long ago that he would pay $10,000 to the charity of Take-Two president Paul Eibler's choice if they made the game he requested. The game? Here is the concept in a nutshell (as taken from Joystiq.com):
"Essentially, the game involves Osaki Kim, a father whose son was 'beaten to death with a baseball bat by a 14-year-old gamer.' The guilty party was 'only' sentenced to life, even after finding a connection to video games and the murder, so O.K. (as Thompson abbreviates) goes on a killing spree to avenge his son - he kills the publisher (Take This, a not-so-subtle reference to San Andreas publisher Take Two), followed by all parties involved in the trial, merchants of GameStop-like store and arcades - and, of course, any cops that get in his way."
Reprehensible? Obviously. Lacking in any sort of reasonable context that even the most violent of large game releases contain? Yes. And this is even without mentioning that Thompson describes that the main character "gets 'justice' by taking out this female CEO, whose name is Paula Eibel, along with her husband and kids. 'An eye for an eye,' says O.K., as he urinates onto the severed brain stems of the Eibel family victims..."
I swear to you I am not making any of this up. Jack Thompson offered to give $10,000 to charity if this "game" gets made.
But gamers called him on it. People made the game, intent on getting that money to charity (and Jack Thompson to eat his words). And by God, instead of being the gore-filled hatefest that Thompson intended, some versions (such as this one, made by Tim and Grandma of the illustrious OGHC) are actually seriously awesome, funny, and nonviolent. But the point is - the games where made. And then what happens?
Jack Thompson refuses to pay, claiming that the mostly text-adventure games that were made 'didn't fit the criteria mentioned in the proposal' - only there WERE no criteria mentioned. As Tim from OGHC said when he spoke with Thompson himself recently:
"He told me we don't qualify because it was a flash text based game, not a first person shooter. Also I am not defined as a 'mogul.' He told me I didn't even know what a mogul was. I responded 'well Jack, why don't you define it for me.' Apparently it means one with 'a lot of money.' He nailed me on that one, I'm broke as a joke.
"Did we expect Jack Thompson to pay up? No. Not at all. But just to be fair, we gave him the chance to do it this way rather than for him to fall even harder in the coming months. He could have saved face, but he chose to do some crazy shit: SAY THE GAME DID NOT CONTAIN COMPONENTS CLEARLY OUTLINED IN THE PROPOSAL THAT NEVER APPEARED IN THE PROPOSAL!!"
In addition to all of this bullshittery, Thompson went on to proclaim that the whole thing was a joke, that it was "satire" (proving that one of the last refuges of the ignorant is to claim they were ACTUALLY doing something far out of the realm of their mental capabilities). To quote Tycho from Penny Arcade: "Thompson now claims that his repellent suggestion was "satire," and we must conclude that his financial offer was also satire, some new breed of satire apparently that I'm sure is just hilarious to people in need." It was a disgusting dodge of Thompson - but precisely what we've come to expect from that loathsome bigot of a man (who, I might add, was recently blasted by the National Institute on Media and the Family - who warned him not to attempt to associate himself with them - and whom he responded to by saying that their "efforts are funded by Target and by a foundation run by Best Buy lawyer and Best Buy Director Elliot Kaplan," accusing them of 'sleeping with the enemy,' in his mind, and whining about them in a letter to Sen. Joe Lieberman. You cannot make this stuff up).
But the story doesn't end there. Tycho and Gabe - Jerry Holkins and Mike Krahulik - of Penny Arcade actually pulled together $10,000 of their own money and donated it to charity - in Jack Thompson's name. He couldn't put his money where his mouth is - so T&G did it on their own. And these guys aren't rich - $10,000 is a lot of money no matter how you slice it - but they did it to stand up for what they believe in.
Coolest thing EVER. I am humbled, and I am awed. And I gotta say HELL YES. ::applauds wildly::
Let us hope the whispering end of this story is Jack Thompson shrinking into bug-size and being stepped upon, or at the very least fading into utter obscurity like the crackpot he is.
ANYHOW! Briefly, on to other things:
* If you liked Neighborhoodies, check out the beauty of and the unique style of Threadless: and my GOD do I want nearly ALL of their shirts. Sooooo preeeeety...
* Do you like Harry Potter? Do you also like Totally Awesome Art? If the answer is "yes" on both counts, you might dig AccioBRAIN! - some seriously kickass HP-inspired art by the exquisitely-talented Makani. Her art makes me all happy-squidgy. I have dreams of commissioning her to do a drawing of Web Guy Josiah and I in Ravenclaw together, but that's a happy thought for another time ::grin:: Go see the pretties!
* If The Lord of the Rings took place in World of Warcraft - it would be this little .gif. It would also make Annie laugh so hard she almost falls out of her chair. Such is the case with this. GO SEEEEE.
That's it for me, kids - and I promise next time I'll keep the rants a bit shorter. Just... stuff HAPPENS an' all. See you on Friday. When the DOOM movie comes out. Which I will doubtlessly be seeing with friends and laughing at, a whole lot. In the meantimes, be good. BWEET!
I Make My Own Rules,
Annie "Blue" C
Try and make the answers more than maybe
- Goldfinger
"Superman"
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